I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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