Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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