ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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