Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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