My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
