i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
