"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
