The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
