Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
