i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
