and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize