Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
