Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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