he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
