LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
