Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
