I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
