drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
