Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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