With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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