did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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