If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
