Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need moral support for this bender
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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