Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
