omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
