i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
