Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
