No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize