I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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