if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
