i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we should paint friendship bongs
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