So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
