Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
