Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
