If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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