I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
