You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
