I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
