Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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