HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
