I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize