I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
