I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
