xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
