i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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