So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
