it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize