Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
