dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
