12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize