we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
