Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
