I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
