these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
