i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
