OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
