The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
