Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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