FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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