Pappa wants mamma naked
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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