I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
