I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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