Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i've created a new STD.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
