Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
