singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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