420 ftw
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
