On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think your dad took our porno
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
