Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
