My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
