We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
