I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The uberlube is also flammable
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
