i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I deserve this hangover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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