Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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