Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize