I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
did i just pee glitter
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
