bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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