a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
