Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
