i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
