I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
