I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
