i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
