Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
