She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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