fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
