its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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