That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
