So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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