i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize