Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
