I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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