Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
