It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
