My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
