I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
