Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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