I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love you. Go after that dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
