I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
