She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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