Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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