using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize