yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize