Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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