they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
