Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
