You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
