In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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