Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
