I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
