Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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