The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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