Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
