I am in a vortex of obligation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
