Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize