Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize