After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
