So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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