i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
