did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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