I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
